By grace of God or act of science, nothing in this world is random.  The laws of physics, chemistry, and biology teach us that energies flow high to low or that emotions are based on molecular triggers in our brains.  I’m not one to preach, but I’m pretty sure that they say that God has a plan for us—all of us.  The series of events that plague or propel our lives are outlined, and our reactions to those events constantly recalculate our futures.  Life is not based on a predetermined fate that we cannot change.  It is a malleable destiny; it is how we confront these events that redefine our paths.  There is no accident; some call the “Big Bang Theory” an accident.  This idea that all of the right atomic structures came together with a giant spark and started it all.  That was no accident.  The same way that people walk into your life—namely the forces of physics that brought him or her to you and the electrical pulses that may or may not have fired as a result of his or her presence.  Those in that moment play even some small role in your life plan.  We are the series of falling dominoes, and where our next piece will land is entirely important to where our next one will fall. 

By grace of God or act of science, nothing in this world is random.  There are no accidents.  Every person, every element, every atom serves a purpose. We just need to finally step up and learn from it.

Yes, this is who I am used to be. Trying to change that.

Glassy eyes on a porcelain face

A forgotten doll left to hold a place

Dust collecting on her shelf

Wondering why she was left to fade

Tattered heart sewn to her dress

A quiet wanderer caught in the mess

Tears collecting on her face

Wondering why she was left to fade

The silent messenger lost in a crowd

Hiding out from all of the sound

Bound by her fears of a cracking soul

Remaining up high on her pedestal

Safe and secure, but never whole.

Here I am a breathing, living person

And all that I ask is that you can take it all in.

Yes, there is the smile and the rosy cheeks

The batting eyelashes and the bow in my hair

But do you even care what is on the inside?

Well, there is my branded skin

Because why not wear your soul on your barest self

And the color of my nails is just a metaphor

For the obnoxious stories that I wish I could tell

And those scars on my heart,

Yes, I’m sure you can see those too,

Distinct, painful, defined from what I’ve been through.

Betrayed, taunted, even glued to a desk

Vandalized, haunted, deserted

I will admit I’m a mess

But I can promise that it hasn’t taken the best of me

That if I’m good at anything at all it’s at cleaning up

Tying all of my loose ends and putting them back together

Telling myself that I am sufficient enough

All meanwhile holding back tears and boasting a smile.

Here I am a breathing, living person.

And all that I ask is that you take it all in.

Please let me enlighten you on the wonders of science

Or heal your pain

Or satiate your growling stomach

Or be that rock when you are frightened.

I’ve come to believe I’m meant to remain stagnant

That friend that is always just a “friend”

Never anything else

I am just a girl who wants to feel loved

Not quietly stomped on like the living room rug.

But I ask you to reconsider

Those uplifting words and casual hugs

Because I’m actually giggling and screaming out inside

There is more to me than what meets the eye

Yes, I wear a halo, but I swear not all the time

Wounded. Strong. Ambitious. Loving.

Careful. Courageous. Generous. Stubborn.

Here I am a breathing, living person.

Of course it pains to break these heavy walls,

But all that I ask is that you take all of me. 

Locked here as a captor

Held by the chains of my oppressors

You run a tight ship within these walls

Yet you could crack under your secrets—fall

Down so deep below the truth

Double standards; I’m asking for it

As the ruler cracks on my wrists

Hanging on to every dollar, forgetting

What I should have really fought for

Yes, there’s more to life than this

Than a worker drone bound to a list

But in my silence am I stronger than those

Who resorted to using violence

Or am I just a coward?

And you’ll keep me your dirty little secret

Locked up so tight; “don’t you let anyone hear it.”

And with these zippered lips I threw my heart away

Letting go of the truth would not make you stay

Holding on to an old forgotten dream

Saying goodbye to such hardened memories

Somewhere, elsewhere, dying for the light

Pity now that I can see why I called on you tonight

Shhh.—Don’t you tell me what I think I know

When I’m finally letting go.

You asking questions, but no answers from me

Those harsh words so powerless when I’m putting up the fight

Shhh.—Don’t you tell me what I think I know

Now that I’ve finally let go.

Running scared

A single breath is all that’s left

These wounds lie bare

Of ruthless words—dreams not kept

Something beautiful in the adrenaline

Newest eyes are the sweetest surprise

Strange sensations kicking in

All this pain and porcelain

Leaves the taste of blood and alkaline.

Leaving us alone and cold

Just like the man that took your soul

Running away from those

Who love you most

The voice heard is not yours

Yelling back at me

Possessed by an evil thing

This isn’t who you used to be

Monster, don’t you plague us now

Taking all we have and burn it down

This man we used to know

Feels like walking on broken glass

Too numb to feel its blinding pain

But yet I can feel the cracks

A weary heart with miles to go

Instability is breaking me

Tears stemming from a memory

Afraid of tomorrow’s coming minutes

Tired of trying to be strong

Unsure of how much longer

I can carry on.

Fell on a lamp. Sliced my foot. Ripped my favorite pair of shorts. Nuff said…FAIL.

Running around in circles avoiding a squirrel that really wants the muffin out of your hand, then making eye contact with it and realizing it’s watching every move you make.  Minimum distance from me and my purse for the ten minutes of stalking: Two feet. Epic Fail.